Free resources for coaches and healers who are passionate about purpose.

When You Don’t Know What You Want!

by bevbarnes on January 12, 2012

I have been plagued by not knowing what I want since I was a young child. Whenever I heard that dreaded question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” my mind went blank. I watched with amazement as my sister said, Dancer! Astronaut! Social Worker! Teacher!

How did she know? I had no idea what I wanted to be. I had no idea what I wanted. I still don’t – but my heart knows.


Your heart knows what you want, not your mind.

When you ask the question “What do I want?” your mind immediately starts working to figure out the answer to this puzzle. That leads to more mind babble like:

I have to be sure of what I want. I can’t make a mistake.

  • I have to know everything that is possible for me to do and then choose something from that list. Since I don’t know everything that is possible, I can’t choose.
  • I have to choose what I want from something that exists. I can’t create something new.
  • Suppose I make a mistake and I choose the wrong thing or it fails, or I don’t like it?

All of this mind babble keeps you stuck and leads you straight to Limboland, that place where you can’t decide anything.

If you’ve been plagued by not knowing what you want, my hunch is that you are expecting your mind to spit out a goal, a strategy and a guarantee that it will succeed.

It’s not going to happen.

Here is what you can do to get unstuck.

1. Change the question

One way to get out of this mind trap and get unstuck is to ask a different question. Instead of asking yourself “What do I want?”, ask yourself “How can I express my true nature?”  Consider this:

  • Suppose you already knew what you wanted in your heart, but your mind just didn’t know it yet?
  • Suppose your heart’s biggest desire was to express your true nature?
  • Suppose the real reason for your angst and distress was not that you don’t know what you want but because you aren’t expressing your true nature?

Changing the question, asking yourself “How can I express my true nature?” gets you unstuck immediately. You also have a plan. All you have to do is remember your true nature and start bringing it into your life right away.

2. Bring your true nature into your life RIGHT NOW.

 You’ll know that you are expressing your true nature when your heart feels, lighter and filled with joy. When you aren’t expressing your true nature your heart will feel heavy and weary.

I’ve created a worksheet that you can download to help you remember what your true nature is. Download it here.

Start leading with your heart not your head. Bring your true nature into your life right now, without knowing where it’s leading. Maybe you’ll create something that never existed before!  Keep following the desires of your heart. What you want will show up but you’ll only know it once you start doing it, not before!

Martha Beck’s new book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World is filled with magical ways to help you get back in touch with your true nature. Check it out. It is fabulous!

 Finding your Way


I love hearing from you.  What part of your true nature are you not expressing in your life right now?  Why?  Answer below on the blog!


Sign up here to get free resources and my blog posts delivered to your in-box!

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Flowerymonty January 23, 2012 at 7:09 am

Found your website by chance and I read your article about feeling like an alien at work 🙂 I enjoyed it!

Well, I am not expressing my artistic nature. I know that I love working with my hands but I find that I am too lazy to do it. BUT, am hoping to start candle making and crocheting, at least by next month!!


Bev Barnes January 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Starting small doing something creative sounds like a great idea. The more you express your true nature the more you will move naturally toward the life that is waiting for you!


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: