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Does Caving Early mean Ditching your Dream?

by bevbarnes on December 4, 2013

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As a follow-up to my last post, I’m answering two questions, inspired by Life Coach Houjke Ross who commented on the post.

  • Does caving early mean ditching your dream?
  • If we feel bad, shouldn’t we just find a way to feel good and continue on with what we intended to do?

I’ve been thinking about all this since I wrote the last blog post so I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to dive a little deeper into this subject.

If we stop trying and forcing and pushing to create our dreams, does that mean we’ve given up?

In a society that trumpets follow your passions, create the life of your dreams – if we cave when it’s not working does that mean that we’re consciously not following our passions?

If you cave does that mean you’ve given up on your destiny?

For us Life Coaches and Wayfinders, not living your destiny just isn’t an option. 

We feel divine discontent when we don’t.

Many of us get ill when we don’t.

We are driven to create our life’s work by what feels like an uncontrollable energy force.

We are born to be healers and teachers and leaders even though it scares us to death, we know that this is what we have to do.

So does caving early mean we are giving that up?

Absolutely not.

Caving early only means that you have decided to detach from “how” you are going to get there.

That maybe you will take a job as you re-group.

That maybe you’ll stop doing something that didn’t feel right without having an alternate plan in place.

That you will keep connecting to your desire, even though you’ve stopped doing what you thought would get you there and you don’t yet have a clue how to make it real.

Caving early means that you don’t interpret caving as failure.

Examine the thoughts you have about caving.  Examine your attachment to struggle.  Examine your belief that working hard is the only way to achieve your dreams.

Caving early means that you don’t use thought work as a way to avoid your feelings.

Caving early means that you listen when you know your truth.

Caving early means that when the thing you are trying to make happen isn’t happening you recognize that it just means to shift directions and do something else.

Caving early means releasing what doesn’t work, and expecting that something else will.

Caving early means that you put your approval and status seeking ego in the passenger seat not the driver’s seat.

Caving early means you admit that you don’t know, and trust that the perfect path for you will show up.

I’ve caved many times on my journey to creating my life’s work and I’m sure I’ll cave again on some of my best laid plans.  Each time caving early let to something better.

I caved early on getting a Master’s Degree in Counselling.  It was part of my master plan that would leave me with the “impeccable credentials” I thought I needed to work with people facilitating change and renewal.  I caved because it was an uphill struggle for me working and going to school when my son was a baby.

I ended up getting a Masters Degree in Psycho-education five years later that was ease filled from start to finish.

I caved early doing career counselling in Northern Quebec.  It sounded good in theory, but it wasn’t any fun and I began feeling divine discontent …..again.

I ended up starting this business on-line and working with Life Coaches and other people on a mission.  Crazy fun.  Sometimes hard but different hard that doing something that wasn’t right for me.

Because working hard on something that is wrong feels totally different than working hard on something that is right.

To know the difference you have to feel about it, not think about it.

That’s how you’ll know whether to cave or not.

I LOVE hearing from you.  Share your experiences with letting go below on the blog.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Megan Forrest December 5, 2013 at 1:25 pm

Hey Bev! Love this post! Couldn’t help but share something with you that I am just reading – which is so in line with your post! It’s from the book “The Only Thing That Matters” by Neale Donald Walsh….. “the path of the Soul will always be the most joyous path because answering the biggest challenge produces the biggest reward” …”it is a function of life to place a challenge before you. Not difficulty, mind you. Simply Challenge. The word challenge is not synonymous with the word struggle. The first need not produce the second. Here is a dictionary definition that you might find interesting: Challenge: “A query as to the truth of something, often with an implicit invitation for proof.” So the challenges in your life are not meant to be struggles, they are meant to be questions. And the highest challenge asks the biggest question: What is the truth of who you are? What is the proof? Every thought you embrace, every word you speak, every action you take is your answer. It is your Truth About Yourself, and your proof of it.” – Neale D. Walsh
In particular I love that he says that a challenge is not synonymous with the word struggle. Just as in caving early isn’t giving up – it is about following the most joyous path – which might be challenging – but still joyous. When it is no longer joyful, cave and change directions.
Thanks for your posts Bev…I always love them. Meg


bevbarnes December 5, 2013 at 2:17 pm

Hi Megan. I love those words by Neale Donald Walsh. Thank you for sharing them. I think your last line was really key “When it is no longer joyful, cave and change directions.” I also love the concept of challenge rather than struggle. We all need challenge so that we don’t “rust out” versus “burn out”. It’s great to hear from you here Megan. xo


Terri Fedonczak December 5, 2013 at 9:55 pm

I love this post, Bev! I have caved on many things in the last year, and thank goodness I did! I am now in a position to spread a mission of girl power that has been a driving force since I was in college. If I hadn’t caved on the way I thought my business “should” go, I would never have gone to Africa and come up with my new brand. Your support during one of my toughest challenges was instrumental in my carrying on with what IS vital to me. Thank you! xoxo Terri


bevbarnes December 5, 2013 at 10:05 pm

What a fantastic “caving” example Terri! Congratulations on your great new biz and your new brand. I’m happy that I had the opportunity to help you get through that tough time. Much love!


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